She’s back! Almost :)

Well it’s been an interesting time since I blogged last and over the next couple of weeks I will share some of those times it with you all  as i update this blog and get things rolling. Needless to say Frightened  has been very loud and annoying and she nearly won — but Fighter rallied eventually and you can see on  our Facebook group that things are moving forward and it will not be long before I am on the road – gathering stories, having parties and catching up with all those people I love 🙂

Over the next few days I will be updating some pages in this blog – you might get more notification than you want – I’ll try to keep them to the minimum.

I’ll also be adding a new page – where you can tell your own story, because everyone has has something you simply want to share.



The Ballad of Rebel and Dodge

Thank you for your votes and comments on Dodgybago Vs. The Perfect Vehicle.   It was great to hear different perspectives and experiences and add these into the melting pit of decision making.  As announced earlier today I have decided to go ahead with the purchase of the Dodgybago.

Dodgy and I are something of kindred spirits, I feel. We are both practical and resourceful, unique and a little off beat.  We are both hopeless nomads to the core.  A little bit battered by a full and joyful life and our new shine has long been replaced by a wicked patina wrought from experience and fun.  (This is nowhere near as articulate as Charles’ similes between ‘Vanessa the VW’ and me, but you get the idea. Read his gem here).   I feel Dodgy is my perfect travelling companion… not just a random vehicle.  I am sure Dodgy has many stories to tell and many more to live; just like me.

A story to tell… yes that reminds me the title of todays blog is the Ballad of Rebel and Dodge.   My dear friend, chief instigator of the Parfait Party marathon and talented songwriter Bright Oh once penned a song called the Ballad of Hope and Prime.  For some reason, whenever I thought about purchasing Dodgybago and starting our adventure together this tune popped in my head.  You can tell I am a bit gushing and romantic over the whole vehicle selection thing; hence my delay.  Anyway, with the intention of entombing this saga in the fair art of song…  and sincerest apologies to Bright Oh, I have ‘commissioned’ the bastardisation of his tune to suit my own blossoming romance with this 1973 Dodge, known as Dodgy (I’m really super sorry Bright…erm sort of).

The Ballad of Rebel and Dodge (I, Mel Ziarno accepted the above ‘commission’ to pen these words under certain duress and hereby beg Bright Oh’s, Prime, Hope and who knows who elses forgiveness. As you know mothers have some awfully powerful persuasive methods and some mothers even stoop to blackmail – not pointing at any in particular of course.)

She’s a Rebel with a cause and a parfait glass
Cancer’s got her, feelin a bit busted-arse
But there’s something she’s been seekin’
A trusty home with a v8 engine
Here in the ballad of Rebel & Dodge

He’s a clunker dodge, with plenty of space (oh la la la)
His most redeeming feature is not his face (oh my oh my)
But his history’s sure to please ya;
He’s been to Canada and Indonesia.
In the ballad of Rebel & Dodge

I don’t really know, who will outlast who
But I’ve never seen a bolder two (twoo ooo ooo)

I’ve been watching Rebs dance around Dodge
Could he prove to be both transport and lodge?
But there is something that’s for certain
Dodge is big enough to cart all her kit in
It’s the ballad of Rebel & Dodge

She’s the Rebel with a cause and heavy load
He’s the grunt, the wheels and her abode
To be going with them, I’d give up anything, even my left one.
This was the ballad of Rebel and Dodge

Such a crazy pair, with their Parfait ways
For Rebel and Dodge it’s party every day (ay ay ay)

Such a crazy pair, with their Parfait ways
For Rebel and Dodge it’s party every day (ay ay ay)

For the less romantic amongst us,  Dodgy’s measurements and photo’s are below for inspection.

Dodgy is in great condition for his age – his last owner enjoyed his company and kept up his maintenance and appearance. He runs on LPG but does have a petrol tank for emergencies. There are a couple of LPG tanks for the engine and one for the house. The house will also run on batteries or plug into mains electricity.  He’s 20 feet long and 8 feet wide. Dodgy likes to plod along about 90-95km per hour which suits me as I can enjoy the countryside as we go.

When he arrives here sometime within the next 10 days, he will be packing all his papers and history from birth in Canada in 1973.

For those days I bush camp or don’t want to play with the other kids 🙂

A large one – lots of room for everything 🙂

Always at the ready – i never have to pull it down to make it up 🙂

A full kitchen – for lots of Parfaits 🙂

Airconditioned – even when the door is closed 🙂

Welcome Dodgybago to the Parfait Party and this epic adventure.

What the heck was I thinking evidently I wasn’t!

The human brain is a funny, funny thing.  Sometimes I can be so darn clever and sometimes I can be SOOOO stupid; it’s really incomprehensible that those diverse thoughts come out of the same brain.

I’m not going to talk about my insane cleverness (after all it’s a bit crass to brag), however I did want to focus on a brief moment of stupidity that lasted… oh, I don’t know…. about three months.

Yesterday morning I awoke with a crazy idea.  Well technically Frightened Vanessa woke me.

“You are not going to raise enough money for a motorhome… you are going to have to do this in a Kombi, like you have been threatening.   And really; have a good hard look at yourself in the mirror.  How long is this broken body going to be making folding up beds and walking 200 metres to the nearest toilet in the middle of the night.  You have buggered this up.”

“I CAN and I WILL do this” Fighter replied “Oh ouch that hurts… Just as soon as my pain killers kick in and I get out of bed.”

So after awaking to these two toddlers carrying on inside my head, I had a good hard look at the situation just as Frightened Vanessa suggested.    Ok, I can afford a Kombi.  I can’t afford the magnificent motorhome of my dreams yet.  What other middle ground might there be?

And then it happened.  A wondrous bolt of lightening.  I could perhaps buy a caravan instead.  But wait… didn’t I hate caravans.  I had discarded this idea really early in my planning piece.  A little bit nervous of the idea of towing something so large, I also had some rather outdated ideas about connecting a caravan.  I flicked through my caravan and camping books to see with fresh eyes pictures and stories of seniors happily unhooking and setting  up caravans easily.  It was a oversight worthy of physically slapping my forehead.  Doh!  Caravans pretty well all have hydraulic methods or attachments.  Not all caravaner’s were herculeans, dragging mammoth ‘vans around on their backs.  What a git I have been.

Testing the idea with my friends, yielded more insights.

“What about if you need to pop to the shop?”  One friend asked. “With a motorhome you will have to disconnect and pack away everything every single time you want to go somewhere.  A caravan can stay put and you can just jump in the car?” you know I have no idea why this had not occurred to me earlier.

 Spectacular Fail, Vanessa. 

Anyway, with new clarity I began redefining the needs of my trip.  This revelation led me to the idea that to reach the funds I needed something simple for folks to participate in.  I worked out 5 x 5 would do the job (see previous post).  If everyone involved in the team, group or on our contacts list asked 5 friends to give $5, then those five friends asked 5 friends to give $5, The Parfait Party would have the necessary funding to get a reliable towing vehicle and a beaut little 16 foot caravan.   Joy!

I am still totally in love with the Jayco look and practicality, so now I add to my vision board the Jayco Starcraft (16 foot), and a towing vehicle.  Don’t get me wrong any automatic motorhome or car and van that turns up at my door will be most welcomed, however these are my Creme de la Creme images.    A Girls gotta dream right?  🙂

16′ is a perfect size for me to live in and to tow. This one is just gorgeous and is my dream one, but I am looking at all kinds.

Everything… even a good sized shower and toilet within easy reach for the not so good days 🙂

Comfortable bed and lots of storage, I wouldn’t miss a stay in one place home at all 🙂

And all the conveniences of home in case I need to simply pull over and sleep.

I like the double as it’s easier to make but then again the twin allows me to have a co-driver sleep here too? What do you think?

oh and lookies at this – a modern kombi 🙂 and lots of room for friends and family to tour with me 🙂

Look Good, Feel Better – A bedtime story

Once upon a time – not that long ago – doctors treated out-patients for illnesses, and when that failed patients went to hospital to be treated by more doctors and nurses.

Once upon a time – back in the old olden days – physicians treated illness with medicines and when ‘he’ failed (they were all ‘he’s’ back then, the family stood vigil and waited.

Even longer ago, village healers (men and women) treated illness with yes, medicines, but also herbs, chants, charms and beads, prayer, song, and all manner of unusual methods classically labelled mumbo jumbo.

Today, well where are we?  Healers come in all places and professions. We still treat illness with medicines and other mumbo jumbo…..  highly effective mumbo jumbo.  We treat the body for depression and mental illness.  And we treat the mind for physically illness.  What am I rambling on about?

Oh yes, I was about to tell you about  how I recently partook in some new age, non medical, mumbo-jumbo to improve my well-being.   Did it involve eating raw snails for 48 hours, sleeping with my left elbow pointed due north, or anything with just two simple payments or just a tiny $99.99?  No, my newest treatment super successful craze is a brand new just-for-me make-up kit!

When you are diagnosed with cancer (and especially if it’s the ‘get your affairs in order’ type), strange things can happen to people around us.  Of course most of our family, friends and acquaintances are fine – look out for us and carry on with life as usual.  But some people have a harder time.  Employers might see you more of a liability than an asset.  Friends and family can ignore you completely because they don’t know how to talk to you.  Casual acquaintances write you off from the get go… because, well why bother or  I just don’t know what to say.  Even Doctors, trained professionals in the business, can disengage and stop trying quite so hard.

So it’s a real  pleasure to have someone (all volunteers and sponsors) invest skills, product and attention into you to acknowledge that your are still worthwhile.  There comes a point where medicines stop working and surgery is no longer an option.  But even when the traditional medicines stop, there are other things that can be done.  The Look Good, Feel Better workshops are testament to that.   Patients in all stages of cancer can come to this workshop and receive information, be taught skills and given lots of products to make themselves look good and feel better.  And it works.   It is so wonderful, that big cosmetic companies and the lovely volunteers are willing to invest in me and thousands of other patients (cosmetics and skin care product donations  amount to $30 million annually.

By the end of the workshop, I felt like a princess – not just like I was prettier – but somehow my confidence increased. I looked around the table at 10 other smiling faces and realised magic had been woven.  New friendships had begun and lots of great, make-up, fashion and hair tips shared.   And so the story  draws to a close and all that’s left for me to do is introduce the main players in this Look Good, Feel Better fairytale. Somewhere on this Yorke Peninsula, there is a bunch of fairy godmothers making knitted hats for recipients they will never see.  Somewhere in the vast Australian corporate land there are hero’s signing off on products to be donated.  In a humble castle in Sydney magicians weave their magic compiling special show-bags to help the sick people of the kingdom smile again.  In Minlaton there is florist hiding smiles inside flowers and sending them where they are needed most.   Several brave South Australian lady knights volunteered (some with make-up brush in hand) to rescue me and all the other princesses, and in the end… through kindness, information and donations of time and product, all of these heros help others live a little bit more happily ever after.

Wow it’s Christmas in ummmm errr August 🙂

Look Good…Feel Better is a free community service program dedicated to helping Australians cope with the appearance related side-effects of chemotherapy and radiotherapy such as hair loss and changes to the skin.

Cancer treatment, and the ensuing appearance changes, can be a very difficult period of time for many of the thousands diagnosed with cancer each year in Australia. More info 

I REALLY am going to bed now :)

I am excited and terribly humbled.  Friends from around the world are gathering  in  jsut over 7 hours to start a music marathon of 26 hours duration.  These friends reside and perform  in  a virtual world called Second Life  and the  marathon  is being held at  The Colour Factory.  Even  if  you don’t have a second life account  you can still listen  in to the various artists streams as they go live.

Listed below are the first few to start the day….. ummm event  🙂  SL is based  in San Francisco so it’s quite sane to start an event a 3pm  in the afternoon  But for  those of us living the other side of the world   it’s  up and atttum at  the crack of dawn — well almost 🙂

I really admire Bright Oh from Sydney  because he is first  off the rank  at 8am his time and we get that husky just  woke up voice 🙂 Please try and listen  in some time  over the next 26 hours  –  I’m sure  you are in for a treat.

3pm Sat San Francisco, London 11pm Sat, Sydney 08am Sun – BRIGHT OH 

BRIGHT BEGINS HIS QUEST TO SING 100 ORIGINAL SONGS IN 26 HOURS!!. Bright is a member of the awesome Aussie band SOAR, his quirky sense of humour and commentary is as entertaining as his music., but his voice will melt even the hardest of hearts.

4pm Sat San Francisco, London 12 midnight, Sydney 09am Sun – MAXIMILLION KLEENE
If music feeds the soul, MAXIMILLION Kleene is the food of the gods. His dynamic musical range and smooth groove provide many a listener with a virtual buffet of auditory temptations. Max brings from the USA high energy and a vast repertoire of quirky, classic, and current covers to Second Life.

5pm Sat San Francisco, London 01am Sun, Sydney 10am Sun – CHARLES SOMERSET
CHARLES is a member of the awesome Aussie band SOAR and performs tonight a treat of ballads. Charles is an accomplished song writer and guitar player and his songs will touch you.

6pm Sat San Francisco, London 02am Sun, Sydney 11am Sun – Bright Oh
BRIGHT continues his quest. Stream:

7pm Sat San Francisco, London 03am Sun, Sydney Noon Sun – SID SLADE
SID, though quite new to performing, is not new to SL. Through a mic left at his UK home by accident in 2009 a talent was discovered. Whether an accident or fate led Sid to performing, once you have heard him you will learn it is a gift and Sid is sharing that gift with SL and pursuing it in RL.

Will post  more  later in the day 🙂

Sharing A Lunch Together

On Tuesday, I had the pleasure of attending SALT (Sharing A Lunch Together) – a women’s lunch group that meet monthly on the Yorke Peninsula.   Tuesdays meeting was in Kadina – about an hour away from my home town of Ardrossan.

What a beautiful time of year it is on the Yorke Peninsula.  The crops are  young and a vibrant green.  The wattles are in bloom giving brilliant yellow bursts to the road side, and it might just be my imagination … but even the sky seems to have brightened its hue to match the landscape.

Upon arriving at Kadina and stepping out of my warm car, I was rudely reminded that it is still winter; while the imagery might be spring-like – the wind that greeted me, was definitely not.

The group met at the Wombat Hotel, where a fragrant cup of tea soon warmed me again.   Jan the co-ordinator for the group welcomed us all.  Wendy Salmon, my palliative care nurse and an awesome human being was the guest speaker (speaking of Awesome, my breast care nurse Kim was also there). Wendy with some help from Kim did an excellent job of de-mystifying Palliative care.

Wendy talked about the overall goal of palliative care and the services available to patients and families; it’s something I had completely misunderstood until I was diagnosed.  I will come back to palliative care another day, but today I don’t want to focus on illness and other such yuckery.

I was fortunate enough to be invited to speak after Wendy and share news of my Parfait Party adventure with the thirty or so  people present.  It was the first public speaking opportunity I have taken since deciding to do this “Parfait Party Thing” and I was thankful for the opportunity to practice my spiel on such a forgiving audience.  With a unpredictable stomach (radiation side effect) and a croaky voice (Flu-shot side effect) I surprised myself and got the job done:  good to know I can still show up and do what I need to do at an event, even when feeling less than spectacular.

They were a wonderful audience and I was thrilled to see a community group talking openly and candidly about life choices. A real highlight for me was the opportunity chat with other ladies facing health challenges, but still following their dreams – I am glad that hearing about my dream inspired others to tell me their plans for the future.

Staying informed and sharing is a great way to take the fear out of some touchy subjects.   Well done Yorke Peninsula SALT.   And thank you all for Sharing A Lunch Together with me!

Old Farts Stuff – it’s Parfaitly Perfect

“Oooh…I want one!”  said my 33 year old daughter. 
“I know.  It’s cool right?”  I replied. 

Were we talking about shoes?  A new iphone?  Perhaps a pretty bracelet?
Nope,  we’re gushing over a pill box.  Yeah, you read right – one of those plastic boxes with all the little compartments that befuddled old dudes (points to self)  use to manage all the medications needed in advanced age.  Well apparently I am a befuddled old dude.   I stuffed up one of my medications the other day. Nothing life threatening but after spending a whole day super zonked, I conceded I did need the dreaded pill box. 

Another concession to old-fart-dom I have recently made is my walking stick.  Man, did that one hit the pride.  Just over a month ago, when new tumours were putting pressure on my hip and leg I could barely walk so my Doctor suggested a walking stick for stability until I got treatment (treatment was completed Friday – and I am getting ready to stuff the stick back into storage :)).  A walking stick at my age!  Oh the horror.     

Once I got past the stigma of ‘mobility aids’ and other old-fartinalia  it’s actually really quite interesting.  I am currently eyeing off the swivel seat thingie for the car, jar and can openers, stuff to help me get in and out of bed – giggles…why struggle and be uncomfortable when all these clever gadgets exist?   I’m not going to be bounding out of bed most mornings and taking a predawn jog.  And I know there are going to be times when I am travelling that I am going to be slightly borked, so why not give myself the tools to make it easy?

So below I’ve cooked up a little something that helped me get past my pre-conceived ideas and actually make my life easier.

 Recipe for Old-Fart Stylin’

2 cups of stigma
1 large tablespoon of pride
1 Pill box
1 healthy sense of humour
1 Walking stick
Paint / Beads and other bright fun things

Take the two cups of stigma and discard.  Replace with a good dose of practicality. Swallow the tablespoon of pride, quickly.  You’d be surprised how fast it goes down.  Take your shiny new pill box and load with all the stuff your doctors have given  you.  Pat yourself on the back for being smart enough to use it.  Rejoice that you are not going to accidently kill yourself in a drug induced haze and ordering replacement pills is made super easy, ‘cos  you can actually see what  you’ve got.  Now the fun bit… Take your walking stick and go wild.  Decorate with beads, paint, feathers…. go crazy.  Serve your improved walking stick with a fun, life loving attitude and a properly medicated body.  Embrace the old-fart styin’ and help make old-fartinalia  all the vogue.!

PS.  One day when life is less full I shall decorate that stick and post a pic – I got all the bright bits to do it — but I haven’t found the time yet 🙂

Thank  you  Jane Maggie Gilroy-Scott for today’s tagline 🙂

The Parfait Party – The Proof is in the Parfait

(Today’s tagline is courtesy of  Bright Oh)

Now some of you know I live a second life  in a virtual world called Second Life 🙂 One of the wonders of this second life is the amazing live music. I can be sitting in my lounge room  logged in and using my barbie doll avatar I can be chatting to people from all around the world.  Even better than this we can all be listening to someone sitting in their own home studio performing live for us.


One of these wonderful performers is Gina Sparks/Gracemount – who in her real life flits between the UK and USA. Gina has a fan group called The Strumpets and if you’ve been following my campaign you will know that I get to sleep with the Strumpets at least twice already 🙂 Wheeeeee!

Not only is Gina a wonderful singer (and songwriter when she can be coerced into playing the songs she’s written) but best of all Gina is a wonderfully generous friend and so are all her Strumpets.  Gina donated all her fees and tips from  her all of her gigs last week and chose the reward that goes with the sleeping with  Rebs level 🙂

To hear Gina sing and learn all about her Strumpets  or live performances online follow this link

    THANK YOU to Gina, The Strumpets and of the wonderfully generous people who donate either inworld or via

The proof really is in the Parfait 🙂


Recipe for illuminated thinking

Two inner voices – conflict ridden
One large ambition – homemade
One bed-side lamp – preferably cartoon style, animated.

Empty conflict ridden internal voices and beat liberally – it’s time they realised that they work for you, not the other way.
Squeeze your lamp for knowledge about the proper behaviour of inner voices.       Question your sanity three times, then decide you’re OK – it’s probably the lamp that is crazy.
Using the extracted knowledge, baste and stuff the inner voices back into your large ambition and bake for 3 weeks on high intensity.   Enjoy!

Frightened Vanessa:   I told you this was stupid.  Already you are too sick and you’ve given up.
Fighter Vanessa:  I have not!
Frightened:  You slept half of yesterday away.
Fighter: It was Sunday!
Frightened:  You haven’t posted a blog in nearly a week.
Fighter:  I’ve …  Well, neither have you!
Frightened:  You’re not Fighter Vanessa anymore, I’m going to start calling you Got-An-Excuse Vanessa.
Fighter:  That’s the pot calling the kettle black isn’t it?  All I’ve heard from you in weeks is “It’s too hard”, “No-one will support me”, “It’s a failure.”  Maybe I’m just starting to believe all your negative crap.
Lamp: Oi you two!  Keep that ruckus down will you?
Frightened:  What the…?
Fighter:  Oh great, not only am I stuck with little Miss Doom and Gloom in here, but now I’m having a conversation with an inanimate object.   Butt out buddy, this is a private conversation!
Lamp: No it’s not.  Certainly not with the volume you two are carrying on. Forgive me, but aren’t voices inside of heads supposed to be, well – inside – of the head?  It’s a wonder that woman hasn’t gone completely insane with you two blithering on like a pair of spoilt toddlers.
Vanessa Proper (Sleep talking):  I’ve got to make a phone call…  I really must phone the forks and the spoons and some accessories… mmm”
Lamp:  See!  I told you – she’s stark raving mad and who can blame the poor woman.  I’d give up too if I had to listen to you two arguing all day.
Frightened Vanessa:  Is that true Fighter?  Could we be making ourselves fail?  Perhaps we should listen to what the lamp is saying?
Fighter:  It’s a lamp! It shouldn’t be saying anything!
Frightened:  This is all too much.  We can’t do this.  Maybe instead of the
Parfait Party we could stay at home.  Maybe carry on gardening?  I saw some
lovely solar lights yesterday.
Fighter: Hmmm … “55 year old woman spends last years torturing and killing seedlings” I
don’t think so!
Lamp: Well best you both stop arguing and get your proverbial in a pile.
Fighter: Hey Buddy, I said this is a private conversation.  Stay out of it!
Lamp: There is no such thing you know.
Frightened:  Oh my gosh, really?  Have we been bugged?  Is this being broadcast somewhere…  I’m sorry Royal Adelaide Hospital… I didn’t mean what I thought last week, it was just the …  I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.
Lamp:  What! You thought without thinking! How reckless.  I can only imagine the damage you are doing to this poor women’s head and heart.  Exercise great care when thinking – once you have thunk a thought it can not be unthunk.
Fighter:  They are just thoughts. It’s not like they affect anything or anyone except us.
Lamp:  JUST thoughts!   JUST thoughts!   Every time you recklessly throw out  these absent minded thoughts you are affecting Vanessa’s actions, her confidence, the people around her, the vibe of the Parfait Party. There is nothing not effected by your thinking; least of all me!  Now please keep it down. While you are busy destroying things with your careless thinking, some  of us are trying to sleep!

The Lucky Bucket

This project brings a lot of mixed blessings.

The Parfait Party developed when I realised I didn’t have much time left and it was time to pull the bucket list down from the top shelf and get busy.  I heard a story today of someone who lost a loved one to cancer just a few short months after diagnosis. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

What right do I have to be moaning and whining, about my pain and how little time I may or may not have?  Last week I’ve been feeling particularly pathetic, waiting on specialist appointments and possibly another nuking session for two busy tumours on my hip and thigh. The pain from these particular tumours was keeping me from everyday activities which is a recipe for grumpiness straight up. Add the flu, mix liberally with a quarter cup of self pity and I was feeling about as resilient as a wet tissue.

Today, I am immensely thankful for my diagnosis and I feel very privileged to have this advanced warning and the opportunity to follow my heart. Though it is a difficult time, I do feel like I am in the lucky bucket,  I have some time left AND the opportunity to do something great with it.  Are you in the Lucky Bucket?

For most of us (me included until a few months ago) we don’t have the slightest idea when our time is up. So we keep living as if we can just pop down to Woolies and pick up another three months when we feel supplies are getting low. We all keep ourselves busy with crap that absolutely has to be done in the next two hours, while shelving indefinitely all the important things to do in our life time.

I felt like a bit of a goose for even asking people to get on board and help me with my dream of starting the Parfait Party; others have lost so much so fast, still others I know are facing the same challenges as I am.  But what was the sense in putting my bucket list away again until the eleventh hour, fifty ninth minute?

My bucket list is now my Lucky Dip Bucket. I resolve (yet again) will do something every day that reminds me how lucky I am to have today.   Don’t put your Lucky Dip Bucket in storage until you are 87 and then get all cranky that you can’t do items 2, 5, 7, and 24 because they require working knees and a strong heart. Get your Lucky Dip Bucket down and start now.  Don’t put the good stuff off. You don’t need to save anything for a special day.  Well ok, maybe that bottle of Chivas Regal could wait til Friday… perhaps.  Or not.

How long will any of us have anyway?  And is the question ‘how long’ or should we be asking ‘how good / well / fully’.  I know now that I would rather have my life measured in deed and impact, than in days and years.

Yep, the Lucky Dip Bucket can expect daily delving.  This is one exception, where I want to see the glass – or bucket – half empty and and not still full of ’roundtoits’.